Chasing Happiness is Killing You: Why Feeling Pain is Your Only Way Out

Ever been told to just “let go” of your emotions? That if you want peace, you need to shove the “bad” feelings aside? It’s the “positive vibes only” mantra we hear all the time, right? But here’s the hard truth: you can’t really let go of something you refuse to fully experience.

I first heard something like this in college, during a presentation on Tuesdays with Morrie by my friend. She said, “The best way to detach from an emotion is to fully feel it.” It stuck with me because it goes against everything we’re told about emotions. We’re conditioned to avoid the uncomfortable ones—like guilt, jealousy, anger—but if you try to suppress them, they only get stronger.

Positive Psychology backs this up: both positive and negative emotions matter. You can’t just chase happiness and ignore the rest. If you want emotional freedom, you have to sit with all of it.

Here’s an intervention that works for me every time I feel emotionally overwhelmed or conflicted. It’s about letting yourself feel—without judgment—and it might be just what you need.

Step 1: Find a Quiet Space

If you're drowning in a sea of emotion—whether it's guilt, anger, jealousy, or boredom—find a space where you won’t be disturbed. This is your time to process. It’s impossible to get clarity if you’re constantly distracted.

Step 2: Name It and Feel It

Take 10 to 15 deep breaths. Center yourself. Once you’re calm enough, ask yourself, What am I feeling right now? Be brutally honest. Name the exact emotion. Is it frustration? Boredom? Jealousy? Name it clearly. Then, sit with it. Feel it—don’t run from it. Don’t mask it with a quick distraction. This is not the time to deny your feelings.

Step 3: Accept It

The hardest part: accept that it’s okay to feel whatever you're feeling. We’re taught that emotions like jealousy or guilt are “bad” and should be avoided, but that’s simply not true. Every emotion, even the ones that make us uncomfortable, has something valuable to teach us. You don’t have to like what you feel, but you do have to accept that it’s part of being human. Keep reminding yourself, It's okay to feel this. It doesn’t make me a bad person.

Step 4: Be Still

Now, close your eyes. Stay silent for a minute, focusing on your breath. Let the emotion sit with you. Open your eyes slowly with a deep exhale. It’s not about making the emotion disappear immediately—it’s about giving yourself the space to process it.

This method works best when dealing with emotions tied to guilt (like when you’re bored at a job you're "supposed" to love), jealousy (when someone else’s success triggers something you’d rather not feel), or anger (toward someone you’re “supposed” to respect). The truth is, these emotions don’t make you a bad person. They make you real. And by accepting them, you free yourself from their control.

Try it out and let me know how it goes. The more you allow yourself to fully experience all of your emotions—good or bad—the less they’ll have power over you.

This approach isn’t about avoiding discomfort. It’s about embracing every emotion, processing it, and then letting it go. If you’re tired of feeling emotionally stuck, this could be the breakthrough you need.