Kindness Is Not a Competition—It’s a Choice You Make for Yourself

Kindness has always been held up as one of the highest virtues, often regarded as the ultimate test of goodness. We’ve been taught from an early age to choose kindness, to view it as a moral obligation, and to measure ourselves based on how much kindness we can give to others. But what happens when kindness begins to feel like a competition? What happens when we start to wonder, “Is kindness really the answer, or is it just a way to prove that I’m deserving of love and appreciation?”

The Binary Belief System

From childhood, we’re conditioned to see the world through a binary lens: good versus evil, happiness versus sadness, kindness versus aggression. This duality simplifies life, creating clear lines between what is acceptable and what is not. But the real world isn’t as simple. As we grow older, we realize that kindness doesn’t always yield the rewards we were promised. It doesn’t always bring the recognition, love, or validation we expect.

Instead, we often find that kindness can be taken for granted or even exploited. And when we give too much of it, we’re sometimes left feeling drained and unappreciated. It’s at this point that the binary belief system starts to hurt. If you give too much, you may be overpowered by those who don’t give at all. If you give too little, you risk being labeled selfish, uncaring, or undeserving.

The Layers of Kindness

But what if kindness isn’t a one-size-fits-all concept? What if there are layers to it? What if being kind to others doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice yourself, your time, or your well-being? What if kindness isn’t something you do to prove your worthiness, but rather something you do because it aligns with who you are, how you feel, and what you value?

Kindness, in its truest form, should not be about giving until you’re empty. It should be about giving because it brings you joy, because it reflects your values, and because it strengthens the bonds you share with others. It’s about being kind without expecting anything in return—not as a strategy or a transaction, but as a natural expression of who you are.

The Importance of Self-Kindness

In a world where kindness is often seen as a measure of how good you are, it’s easy to forget that self-kindness is just as important. Being kind to others can take its toll, especially when it’s not reciprocated or appreciated. There will be days when you choose to put yourself first, when you need to say "no" to others in order to nurture your own well-being. It’s in these moments that the pressure to constantly be kind can feel overwhelming.

But here’s the truth: choosing yourself doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you human. Self-kindness is just as vital as kindness toward others. You deserve the same compassion, understanding, and care that you give to those around you. Giving yourself space to rest, recharge, and prioritize your own needs is not a sign of weakness; it’s a way to ensure that when you do choose to give, you do so from a place of abundance, not exhaustion.

A New Perspective on Kindness

In a society that often views kindness as a virtue to be measured, it’s essential to rethink what it means. Kindness isn’t a competition or a task—it’s a personal choice, a reflection of your values, and an expression of love for yourself and others. It’s not about giving until there’s nothing left; it’s about choosing what you can give and when, without compromising your own well-being.

So here’s to those brave souls who continue to choose kindness, even when it’s not rewarded. Here’s to the hope that you find the strength to be as kind to yourself as you are to others. And here’s to the belief that on those days when you need to choose yourself over someone else, you won’t be labeled selfish, but instead, celebrated for the wisdom to know when to care for yourself.

Kindness is not a competition. It’s a choice. And it’s a choice that belongs to you alone.