When the Urge to Hurt Strikes: Cry, Don’t Act

The urge to be violent—whether it's directed at someone else or even toward yourself—is something many of us experience. You’ve felt it, and I’ve felt it too. When we witness someone else acting violently, it’s easy to label them as “bad,” “evil,” or “out of control.” We see their actions as the result of something deeply wrong inside them, but what we often fail to recognize is that this same urge exists within us.

In those moments when you feel anger rise within you, when you feel like lashing out, it can be easy to mistake this urge as a reflection of your character. You may think to yourself, “I’m a bad person for feeling this way.” But there is a critical difference between feeling an impulse and acting on it. Thinking about hurting someone doesn’t make you evil—it’s when you act on that thought that things shift.

When you feel this urge, there’s often an emotional storm brewing inside. It’s pain, frustration, confusion, and helplessness all wrapped together. But instead of acknowledging these emotions and dealing with them, you may choose to suppress them—pushing them down and locking them away. This suppression doesn’t make you stronger; it builds up over time until, one day, the dam breaks and your emotions explode in ways you never intended. This is how we end up acting violently, not because we are inherently bad, but because we’ve been conditioned to bury our emotions until they become too overwhelming to control.

Here’s the truth: You do not act out of violence because you are a bad person. You act out of violence when you cannot manage the intensity of your emotions. When you feel powerless, helpless, or trapped by your feelings, the urge to lash out is a natural, though misguided, reaction. But it’s important to remember that there’s another way to handle this.

Rather than repressing your emotions and letting them fester, allow yourself to feel them fully. Accept that you are hurt, that you are overwhelmed, and that it’s okay to feel vulnerable. And here’s a powerful truth that often goes unspoken: Cry. Crying is not a sign of weakness—it’s an essential part of processing pain. For many, especially men, this message is crucial. Society often teaches us to bottle up our emotions, to never show vulnerability. But in reality, it’s far stronger to release your emotions than to hold onto them.

Instead of looking for someone to lash out at, seek someone to lean on. Find a shoulder to cry on, not a person to hurt. Find someone who will listen and support you, rather than someone who will be a target for your displaced feelings. The act of crying is not just a release of tears—it’s a release of the weight you’ve been carrying. It’s a step toward healing, a move away from violence and toward self-awareness and growth.

So, the next time you feel that urge rise within you, remember: it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to admit that you’re hurt, that you’re in pain, and that you need help. By allowing yourself to feel, you take the first step toward breaking the cycle of violence, and ultimately, toward peace.